…as we speak.

A huge chapter of my life really is ending…its that chapter labeled so largely, hyped up beyond belief by our pre-adolescent teenage years of “o I just can’t wait till I go to…”…….COLLEGE.

ya, that one…that one big chapter is ending.  No more college in less than 6 weeks.

And strangely, I find myself in limbo.  The confusion between whether I should fully dump myself in this great last few dwindling days of “glory” or separate myself a little just so I can be prepared for the reality of what they reference, in many different ways, “the real world”, “adult life”, “being old”, “working full-time”, and basically every other way of formulating an image of losing the glory of being free and being in college.  As I’m contemplating this, I’ve already lost 5 weeks of my last Spring Quarter.

And, with all the whirlwind of changes occurring in my current state of being, I find myself adjusting to life in so many different ways.  I just feel like my heart is exploding with confusion.  Wanting to figure out what I’m planning on doing, where I’m planning to live/reside, work?, plans?, nothing….i have nothing.  And, it sucks.  It’s like this whole time i’ve been waiting for a surge of something to just energize me and I’ve only found myself at a huge monotonous stump of lump.  I’ve always waited, waited to feel like I know.  I just havent found it yet. I sure as hell hope that something will hit me soon.  Just a huge wave of passion.  Thrusted upon me.

Realization for being the way I am.  And understand what it takes to be the person I want to be for the future.  This all sounds jumbled, but it is 4:17 am in the morning and I’m having EOCC (End-of-college-crisis).  AND, considering I lost my wallet today doesn’t help.

LIFE IS AMAZING. BAH.